Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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