Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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