I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
