My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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