If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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