You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
