i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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