Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
