they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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