i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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