WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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