dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
