i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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