i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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