I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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