____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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