i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
