its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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