plz talk dirty to me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
