Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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