If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This baby is an asshole
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
