Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
