help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
