its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
