If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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