this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize