hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
