I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
BRING THE BAGELS
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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