I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
