I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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