Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
