I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
