can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
