is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We are two peas in an std pod
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
