Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
