shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize