so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
