I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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