It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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