so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
