Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she smelled like a LAN party
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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