i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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