I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
