You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
