DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
