So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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