how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
