Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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