p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
