Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Dick very happy bro
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize