we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
that may or may not have been my penis.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
