Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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