Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
bring money and cleavage
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
