Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
