508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
