The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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