So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
