So drunk its hurt
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
