k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
