I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
