There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
