she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
