Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
