Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
