We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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