All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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