sarcasm needs its own font
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Boobs speak an international language.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
