I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
