allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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