The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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