1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Your cock deserves a montage
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize