Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
