from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
