break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
