There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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