Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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