i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
