this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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