i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
