worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
