my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
