Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
