You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
