So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
