my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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