took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I came so hard my ears popped.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
