When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
