new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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