been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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