now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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