Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
