There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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